May 2017 – Shana Figueroa

I decided it might be fun to make a book trailer. All the trailers I looked up as research seemed fairly lame and generic, involving pictures of hot guys, hot chicks, and sometimes flowers fading in and out (not that pics of hot guys are bad…they just don’t inspire me to buy a book, cuz let’s face it—sweaty washboard abs on the covers of romance novels are a dime a dozen). Instrumental music plays as cursive words float across the screen to the effect of, “He/she’s been burned by love. Will he/she ever love again?” etc. (Spoiler – yes, they will love again)

I…probably can’t do any better, but since my back-up life plan is to become a film director if this author thing doesn’t work out, I thought it’d be fun to try. I’ve got a video camera (even my phone would work), a computer, and working knowledge of story arcs. All I need now is video editing software, like Adobe Premier, and some friends willing to act for a free lunch, and I’m golden!

I had this idea to try something different with my book video. Instead of playing up the “what” of the book, I’ll try emphasizing how my book fits into a reader’s identity – the “why.” Per Simon Sinek, this is a winning strategy. Of course, I need to keep it short and as inexpensive as possible, ideally costing zero dollars.

After thinking about it for a while, I came up with my first commercial. I storyboarded it and everything! Check it out:

It’s practically Monet. …Don’t judge me.

It probably won’t end up exactly like this, but something close to this. On a related note, I’m trying to teach myself how to draw, so when I do this in the future it won’t be terrible stick figures:

I’m very proud of my animal drawings, including this bull. It might be my greatest life accomplishment, as you can tell from the look on my face.

Here’s my foolproof plan:

1. Get an idea for a book trailer (check)
2. Sketch out this idea via a storyboard (check)
3. Practice using Adobe Premier by recording footage of some random stuff and editing it
4. After achieving decent proficiency with Adobe Premier, enlist friends to be in my video
5. Record my video
6. Splice it into the trailer
7. Release trailer on YouTube
8. Get a billion hits, become viral sensation

It’s just that easy. I may try my hand at creating other videos of increasing complexity, possibly fake commercials, and working my way up to a short movie. In fact, I’ve already got an idea for a movie…but I’ll save that for another post.

I shall keep you all abreast of my progress, loyal fans!!!

“See? Give it up, ladies, and get back into the kitchen after you soothe that crying baby!” – The Patriarchy

I was reading an article recently about how Millennials apparently long for more traditional gender roles than their predecessors, based on studies and whatnot. The author speculated as to why this could be; perhaps young men are now beginning to fear women taking their jobs, and are resentful of having to compete with their female counterparts in a shrinking job market. Or, perhaps it’s a backlash to the new-wave feminism of the 90’s (whatever that is).

However, instead of ending on a relatively objective note, the author takes a hard-right into sexism when she notes, “Maybe women have finally realized they can’t have it all, and the newest generation is becoming content to accept that men and women have different aptitudes for different things. Maybe there is hope for the Millennials after all.”

Yes, Millennials must be learning to accept the fact that a woman deserves to be paid less than a man for doing the same job because…of ovaries and vaginas, I guess. Why can’t us old new-wave feminist bitches just accept our naturally inferior status already? Must be too much estrogen.

Putting aside the fact that you should never accept being told you are equal while being treated as less than equal because of some innate trait attributed to your gender/race/religion/etc., who is honestly lamenting the fact they can’t have it all? What does “having it all” even mean? Is it success in your work and personal life? And why is this something women must struggle with, but not men?

If we’re going to honestly unpack it, the gist is that women who work outside the home are also supposed to want to do all the usual traditional lady chores as well, like cooking and cleaning and laundry – and they should feel bad if they can’t do it all anymore because they’re working. Of course, nobody really wants to do these things, but since they usually fall on women to accomplish then we should feel obligated to do them, I guess.

Or maybe it’s just the kid-specific stuff, like chaperoning playdates and gazing lovingly at your beautiful child as he frolics in the dirt and whatnot, which women are supposed to feel bad for not doing.

But men have been working outside the home for all of human existence, and they don’t cry about not “having it all.”

Basically, much like women are slut-shamed for daring to have sex just for fun, this whole “having it all” concept is a passive-aggressive way to shame women for daring to work outside the home and be happy with their decision.

“Oh, you’re a bank exec. Sounds high-powered – good for you! Must be long hours, though. Don’t you feel bad about not being able to spend more time with your kids? Well don’t you? It’s so hard to have it all, right?”

“Having it all” is code for “being a good mother while holding down sometimes-demanding outside employment,” and it’s something we can’t have.

Except I know a lot of women with full-time jobs and a family, who are somehow happy with their lives and manage to raise well-adjusted children – myself included (fingers crossed my kids stay well-adjusted; they seem fine for now, anyway).

So screw “having it all.” If you’re happy with your life, then you already have it.

Month: May 2017

Making a Book Trailer

Why “Having It All” Is A Stupid Concept