I can tell you this without a doubt – there is someone out there for everyone, no matter your physical appearance. People worry too much about how they look, as if that’s a major aspect of a relationship. Well I’m here to tell you it’s not!
The only time looks really matter are for first impressions. Your external visage gets you in the front door, as it were – the second glance in a bar, the free drink, the first date. After that, it’s all about what’s inside, baby. I know that sounds clichéd, but it’s true.
(Keep in mind we’re talking real relationships here, not one-nighters or long-term slam pieces.)
And of all the things inside you, such as your sense of humor, intelligence, quirks, pancreas, and liver, the most important is confidence. Whether you’re male or female, a confident person attracts, period. Someone who walks with their shoulders back and head held high, who’s not an asshole but isn’t afraid of conflict (okay, maybe sometimes an asshole), who moves through the world like they own it. Someone without fear. People love that shit.
Note that experiencing self doubt and humility isn’t the same as lacking confidence; that just means you’re self-aware, which is what separates the wise from the fools. Nobody’s perfect, but being able to recognize your flaws and rise above them to take chances anyway is the good kind of confidence.
For instance, maybe you’re a lady on the heavier side of a bullshit standard for what a woman’s body should look like. The office Christmas party is coming up; it’s semi-formal. What to wear? Perhaps the red muumuu with candy canes for sleeves? Festive, right?
NO!
How about the mermaid cut black sparkly dress with the sweetheart neckline?
YES!
Okay, that seems pretty flashy. Should you shrug the dress on, then slink around the party embarrassed that people might be judging you for being too fat to wear such clothing?
NO!
Should you slap on some smoky eye shadow, deep port lipstick, and strappy heels, sashay into that party knowing everyone’s staring at your boobs and not caring, then ask out that guy from Accounting you’ve been crushing on all year?
YES YOU SHOULD!
That’s how it’s done.
